FESTIVAL
SURVIVAL GUIDE! By Anu Shukla
The
do´s and don’ts on how to live it up in muddy fields, mucky tents and large
spaces with no walls!
DON´T: Take your bleedin
passport! Yes, we’ve all been stopped by
the cops in Spain for not having any
identity, but the risk of losing it is greater when you’re so obviously off
your face! So instead what you really
should do…..
DO: Take a copy of it
in case you really do get stopped! No one likes that mug-shot of passport photo
and it’s gonna look worse in photocopy format – so grin and bear the
embarrassment if it saves you from getting unnecessarily arrested!
DON´T: Deprive yourself
of sleep at the festival! We all know
you can’t bear to miss a minute, but 40 winks = NRG and a more fulfilling
experience (ahem – you might be able to actually SEE what’s going on around
you?!)
DO: Make sure you have
a stash of liquids (not just the alcoholic kind!) Water is magic and it’ll
certainly feel that way when your throat feels like sand-paper suddenly and
somewhat unexpectedly!
DON´T: Forget your spare
phone battery or car/camper-van phone charger (that’s if you really do insist
on taking your mobile) – handy as they are, they do run out of battery and if
your depending on communicating at the most vulnerable of moments – i.e.: when
you lose all your friends in a 5000 strong crowd – you’ll be thankful of the
spare!
DO: Also try and
switch off your phone at intervals to save battery – although, realistically
speaking: You probably won’t!
DON´T: Leave valuables in
tent! Doh! No!
Imagine walking back to your tent to find that your house keys, passport
(that you should never have taken in first place), phone (that should have been
in your combats), sleeping bag and smelly underwear (yes it happens to the best
of us!) has been strategically removed from your make-shift tent?! A situation that is surely to trigger off a
huge dosage of mental torture!!!
DO: Take loo roll! Need we expand?!
DON´T: Ponder for hours
which fave items of clothing your gonna take with you – all you need is a pair
of combats, fleece for the evening and a top – oh and clean underwear if you
plan on changing it! Gettin your Prada top dragged thru the mud or busting your
best Gucci’s whilst jumping around in clouds of dusty dry air may not make you
a very happy Larry!
DO: Eat! When you end up starved, lethargic and sick (retching
to bring up small amounts of clear liquid) – You know it ain´t good!!!
DON´T: Buy mind-enhancers
from certain dodgy codgers who just sold something to someone who now looks a
slightly off yellowy-green colour! If you must take anything PLEASE BE CAREFUL
DO: Always, always,
always know what you are taking before you take it! That nasty Horse tranq experience only occurred
because you thought what you were taking was something completely different! Not good!!!
DON´T: Pester the DJ like
a lunatic cos you´ll put him off as he’s trying to mix two complicated
tracks! Wait for the right moment – if
you know how DJs work, then you´ll know the right moment for attack!
DO: Remember the
colour of the tent that you pitched next to! When you legs feel like they have
shin-splints and are looking forwards to falling on your face in your tent,
you´ll be grateful for remembering the big fat gazebo sitting next to the
bright orange camper-van parked next to the olive tree with a heart engraved on
it!
DON´T: Forget to pay a
regular visit to your tent! Yes, we’re
having such a fabulous time we don’t even know what planet we are on let alone
where the hell our tent could be! Be
kind to your tent because it will get lonely and someone else will want to give
it some TLC if it looks abandoned…
DO: Remember
condoms! What if you get lucky? Then what you gonna do if you suddenly
discover you forgot to bring them with you?! Moment of passion will fade, you
will be frustrated and you’ve lost the chance to get in the sack with that
gorgeous somebody. Oh well…
DON´T: Forget to bring
small items of self-maintenance i.e.: face-wipes! You know you´ll get grubby, so if this
bothers you, you know you’ve got the perfect remedy. Eye-drops also a good one to remember – little
sleep, poor visibility = dry eyes – so eye-drops would be magic!
DO: Take clean underwear! If you bother to take anything at all, you
should at least take a clean pair of undies.
You could get lucky – how embarrassing is that?!!!!!!!!!
Okay, there you have it now, some do´s and don’ts to
aid you along the way! Surely there will
be plenty more where these have come from, so feel free to send us yours!
